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What if I told you one small change away from completely changing your life? A different life. Not a huge overall, but small incremental changes that can have a massive effect over time. And today, being September the 16th, I'm giving you 49 life lessons, things that I know to be true, not just things that I've read in some book or some magazine and I think that sounds great. Let's pass that on to the to the listener. No, these are things that I've tried and tested and applied to my life, and can say with absolute certainty, for me personally, obviously, and in my beliefs, that they will add humongous value to your life and also will positively affect your gut and your irritable bowel syndrome. In fact, we're going to start and talk, we'll discuss about IBS because clearly that's what this channel's about, and then we'll break each one down and we'll go through them. Uh each chapter, broke them down into chapters. So don't be thinking oh I've got this using list of 49 things. I've blisted them together, as you will, into chapters. Welcome to Beyond Bathroom Blues Podcast, helping men understand irritable bowel syndrome, IBS, reducing symptoms, and take back control of their health and their life. Each episode focuses on clarity, not quick fixes, so you can stop guessing, make sense of what's actually going on in your gut and your mind, and move forward with confidence. I'm your host, Glencook Winchurch. Let's get into today's episode. Also, just to mention, this is a comeback. We've had the summer off. I hope you had a good summer as well, and hopefully, not too many flare-ups and not too many incidents, and that you manage to spend time with those that you care about, your children, and creating memories. We've not been on here or YouTube, I don't think, till I think the last time was mid-July, and that was intentional. For those that have subscribed to our email and newsletter, then you'll know about this anyway. And we're here, we're back, and there's a lot more content that's coming your way that I believe in CJ Charlie Jean believes is gonna add huge value to not just your life but your IBS and help you man up, as the saying goes. Let's dive in. I believe that the priority, if I was gonna prioritize these, is you, it's yourself, the body, health must come first. And that takes us into the first one today: personal health. Your personal health, that's you. If you're not dialed in, if you aren't trying every single day, and this is what I believe in know to be true, that every single day, whether that's looking after your personal fitness, your health, you have got to be the priority, and that's not selfish. A lot of people think it's selfish if you don't focus on yourself first, if you focus on you've got to focus on other people, put your family first, put your kids first, and that is true a little bit sometimes in terms of not being selfish. There's a fine line in terms of being selfish, looking after yourself. Because it's the old saying, isn't it? If you're in an aeroplane that's about to crash and you're with your family and the oxygen masks drop down, who do you put the mask on first? Yourself or you your wife and kids? Ultimately, it's yourself because otherwise, if you start putting your kids and your families on, you might pass out and fall unconscious, and then you can't help them. Should the plane crash and you survive and you need to get out of the wreckage, you can't look after anybody else around you and be that man that takes control and helps out. So you look after yourself, you put your own mask on first and then you put the masks on those around you. The other one then is keeping fit. I've talked about it there, is keep fit, and that's it's as basic as strength and cardio. You've got to look after your heart health and you've got to look after your muscles. You've got to be strong and you've got to be able to lift things. As a man, you should be able to lift. Yeah, there's too many people walking around, and this is for longevity as well. It's not just about looking buff and being able to look muscular and pick up heavy weights, it's about longevity. And as I said, I'm 49 today, so I'm a year away from being the big 5-0. And I mean, I'm hoping to live to 101 or more. I don't know about you, but I want to live to a good age. But I want to also get there in good health, in relatively good health, and and enjoy the time that's that's left on this great planet. So, strength and cardio. Three, we've got to maintain a healthy body fat index as men, and that's your waist circumference. I'm not into this BMI because if you're a big guy as in your musley, maybe you play rugby, chances are your BMI, if you put it in on a phone app or your Apple Watch, whatever, it goes crazy and says you need to lose weight and you're gonna blooming have a heart attack, which is which is a load of rubbish. If you if you are a big, strong muscular guy, provided you don't take loads of steroids, because obviously that can cause heart issues, then your BMI is going to be a pretty crazy one. But the the simplest way, I believe, is just launch a tape measure around your waist. And if that waste circumference is high 30s, 40s, maybe even 50s, it needs to come down as a matter of urgency. Otherwise, we're at high risk of heart disease, cancers, and all other nasty kinds of stuff which do come around and bite you on the ass when you're older in life, especially when you get into your 50s. And this is the point of today. If you're if you're like me and you're in your 48, or have hit 49, you're nearly 50, maybe you are 50 in your 50s. As men, things start to happen, don't they? Testosterone drops, and we start being open to loads of crazy illnesses. So we've got to, I think, look after ourselves even more. And it's one of the reasons, and I'll talk about it later, that one of many reasons that I've changed my life is stop drinking alcohol. And again, we'll cover that in a bit. So maintaining that healthy body fat index, you've got to, I guess, with that in mind, eat well. Eat really good premium food. Don't just chuck McDonald's and Burger Kings down your neck every day. It's okay as a one-off, innit? We've got to we've got to have a few blooming crazy meals every now and again, pizza with kids, maybe a birthday treat, popcorn at the cinema. But not every day, not every, not every single day and every single week. Otherwise, it has a it impacts our health. We've already been from weight circumference. Avoid UPF, ultra-processed foods, mostly. Everybody says, Oh, avoid them at all costs, avoid them all the time. I like a bit of cake every now and again, and I like chocolate. So I would say mostly 90-95% of the time, avoiding that UPF. As mentioned it before, avoiding alcohol, it's a complete game changer. If you are drinking regularly, maybe you like what I used to be like when I was younger, and you're binge drinking with your mates every now and again, going on all day benders. I used to do it meeting up with veterans from the army. Binge drinking is crazily bad for your health. And it knacks everything. I mean, alcohol is a carcinogenic. A carcinogenic is basically cancerous, it wrecks your DNA. Go and watch some of the content on YouTube. Andrew Huberman does an amazing video. If you search for Andrew Huberman, alcohol, it'll come up. And there's tons of other videos on YouTube about the causes and effects of alcohol on your brain and your body. Shocking. Absolutely. Well, anyway, enough said. And what's crazy is I read a book, not because I was an alcoholic, not because I had a dependency on alcohol, but I didn't have a good relationship with it. And I read uh The Naked Mind by Anne Grace, and it completely changed the way I think about alcohol. And from that day onwards, it's been two and a half years now. I've not touched a drop. And I'm a non-drinker, it's who I am. Next one is get plenty of time in nature. Too many guys now sat indoors, sat at a computer. I'm sat at my computer now recording this, but as soon as this is finished, I'm gonna stand up and I'm gonna go out for a walk outside and get some fresh air, maybe take the dogs for a little stroll. Get out in nature with yourself, with your kids, get the steps in, it's all good. Obviously, you can see that and I just want to sort of do a sidestep there with your IBS and your gut issues, symptoms, they need to be priority. I mentioned it before, it these being in no kind of particular order, but putting yourself first is prioritizing IBS. Because IBS, as I'm reading through these and explaining them, please have in the forefront of your mind and think as a side note, how does my IBS affect what Glenn's talking about now? Because chances are, in every single one of these, most of them, most of them, there's one or two where IBS isn't irrelevant, like buying some dogs. I'll come on to that shortly. Is that your IBS symptoms, whether it's diarrhea, bloating, constipation, feeling nauseous, just feeling completely rubbish, and all the other crap pun intended that goes with IBS affects. So get that sorted. It got to be your priority. It must be, and I'm speaking from experience with passion, because it was me years and years ago. Clients that we've helped, you know, my wife and business partner Charlie Jean, she's helped thousands. I think she worked out over 1,200 men like you with IBS in her time that she's worked with the National Health Service, NHS, PrivatLair, Freelance, and now as an entrepreneur with her high-end consultations one-on-ones. So that's the thing. Because once that is sorted out, everything else starts to fall into place. Just bear that in mind. Right aside note, jumping back in, prioritize and schedule rest and downtime. So many, so many people are there. And I used this used to cost me in the army because I never used to do it. I used to get injuries, burning out with fitness. Scheduling it properly, like prioritising it. Have a day or two in the week, whether it's a Sunday and you're not at work or whether it's midweek, where you do minimum stuff. Mean go for a walk in nature, obviously, take the dogs out, spend time with your family. I don't mean just sit on the couch all day eating the ice cream, but but but that's fine too. There's no dramas with that bit. What I've just mentioned, that scenario. Watch a film and just chill out, get some quality downtime and let your body recover. If that day needs to be a week, then spend a week getting downtime. I had two weeks off of all training apart from stretching off uh yoga when I was on holiday. I went away with my my wife and daughter and dogs down to Cornwall. And we spent time down there and I didn't do any training, neither did my wife, and I just rested. Play, you know, went in the sea with my daughter and just walks every day. So got loads of steps in, still burning off loads and loads of calories. But it was amazing. My body felt better for it. I felt better for it when I got back. So just schedule it in each week. Don't leave it until you're off from work, just do it all the time regularly. It's a game changer. Always focus on good sleep. I just mentioned it there. And when we say good sleep, we're talking about REM and deep sleep. I don't know if you wear one. I've got a Garmin, my wife wears Apple Watch. You can get fitness trackers, whoop, fit bit, there's the ring that you wear on your finger, just something where, if you need to, you can track your sleep. Because we can all fall asleep at 11 at night and then get up when his alarm goes off, or naturally at say 6 pm, and think we've had seven hours sleep. But you might still feel rubbish and foggy headed because that seven hours might be disrupted by things like IBS, stressors, finances, things that are happening at work, things in your business, employees, all this other stuff. And there's ways of dealing with that as well. So you've got to look at did I get enough deep sleep, and did I get enough REM and consistently? And your heart rate variability, your HRV. All these things are critical. Not just important, they're critical. Because if you leave them, you know, once it's one or two every now and again, there's no dramas, is it? Having a rough night's sleep every now and again. And circling back to alcohol, alcohol completely trashes your sleep because your liver's processing it through the night. You do good luck getting deep sleep and REM when you've been out and drinking. You don't get it, you fall asleep quickly, obviously. But then your body's working through the night. You wake up cold sweats, hot sweats, room spinning, then you've got your hangover. Oh, it's disgusting. Do not miss that all. So yeah, focus on good sleep. And this is again, you can see hopefully now our IBS needs to be sorted out. It's important. Keep clean and smelling fresh. This is to the maybe the young lads, maybe you're my age. Just look after yourself. This is what I was like in the military. I wrote, I'd say I was a regimental sergeant major, so I was an RSM. Imagine if I'd have gone into work sweating, and in the summer, I used to have two sets of uniforms. And even when I left the army and I started working and wearing suits and things initially in this business, I had two sets, two through the day, especially in the summer. If I was sweating, if I'd been on a say like sales calls, I used to get really hot, even with a fan in the office. And if I was on consultations with clients, it'd get really clammy. And straight away afterwards, I'd take you know, wet kit off, have a shower, wash it, and get changed into fresh cakes, fresh deodorant. Because there's nothing worse. Those around you, even your loved ones and employees, smelling BO, bad breath. Like if you smoke, oh, I hope you don't smoke. That needs to get rid of smoking if you smoke. But yeah, fag breath. It's just disgusting. Yeah, a man should look good. Should I said before about being it the right way, muscular as in strong, you don't have to be a meathead, you don't have to detect steroids, do not take steroids. I'm on about naturally just looking athletic, feeling fit, and smelling good. That's in my opinion, and I think hopefully you'll agree. Stay flexible. That's one under that uh under body health comes first is stay flexible. Stay flexible in terms of your body, stretching. You don't if you don't want to call it yoga because you think it sounds feminine, fine. I love yoga. And Pilates, there's loads of different ways of even if you just stretch off and go on YouTube. There's free YouTube videos that are amazing on stretching off. Whether that's you've been for a run and you warm up properly, you come back, you stretch off for 10-15 minutes because it prevents injuries, it'll make you feel better. Benefit, benefit, benefit basically. And also be flexible in your life. Be flexible if things happen. Don't be rigid, you know. But you gotta be flexible, haven't you? Those that know. Okay, next part mind, mental fitness and mindset, I've called it. So mental health and fitness, it ties into what we spoke about before. It's critical. Practice things like mindfulness. Now, whatever flicks your switch, I meditate, I've tried different things in the last seven or eight years, transcendental meditation, TM. I paid for that. Me and my wife have done that for a period of time. For many years I did TM. And I got to the point where I don't need the mantra, I can just meditate. So it's I guess I've built up that muscle and that skills. And everybody's different. For me, I do, you know, I close my eyes, I take a few deep breaths, just focus on my mind, my thoughts. I say the Lord's Prayer. If it's through the day, I pray to God. And if that's your thing, cool. You know, depending on what religion or what things you've got, and I'll come on to faith shortly. Uh, I then focus on things that I'm grateful for. And before you know it, as I'm breathing and doing focused breathing, I'm out for the count. And 15-20 minutes later, I come round, I've not slept, it's just that is meditating. And someone says, How do you know if you've meditated? That the answer is you'll know if you haven't, you'll feel maybe foggy headed. And meditating is like fitness for the mind. You just you wait, you come around and you feel fresh. Like you've had an amazing night's sleep. It's it's it's that good. You feel so fresh. Those that don't know. And again, start as you need to go on. There's apps you can download, mindfulness apps, and and and get going with them. Have a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset. I don't know if you've heard of that before. A growth mindset is be open to new opportunities, new ideas. Don't be a know-it-all. Oh, yeah, I know already. Like if somebody starts telling you my son's a personal trainer, uh, it's 25, I'm a personal trainer. A lot a long time before he was. But when we're speaking on the phone, if he says, you know, dad, I've been doing uh training a client today on strength training, and we've been doing this on deadlifts and that, I don't cut him off mid-flight and say, Yeah, I already know. Or I listen to his version of it because he might know something different that I don't know, and it might add value to what I I know and deepen my knowledge. I I might already know it, but I don't, you know, never say I know that already. Always be open to new ideas and what someone's got to say because different perspectives can add onion layers on top of what you already know and can add value. Sometimes they don't, sometimes you're like, yeah, whatever, and sometimes people talk complete rubbish. But again, you won't know that unless you listen. We'll go on to that shortly in terms of listening. So a fixed mindset is you know it all basically, you're not open to new ideas, you're not trying new things. Yeah, I've tried that once, like IBS. The classic fixed mindset is I've tried the low FODMAP process for my IBS, and I've tried the I don't know, handful of supplements, I've tried everything, doesn't work. I just have to live with this. That's a fixed mindset. The growth mindset would be I've tried these things, I know that they I don't believe they work, so I found what doesn't work, that's great. And now I need to find what does work and be open to new ideas, new systems, new methods. And that's why when my wife works with her clients, she's got a whole host of things that she can utilise with them in her toolkit. You know, many arrows in the quiver, as the saying goes. So if the low FODMAP process isn't right for them, because it isn't always right for everybody, there's something else, and if that's not right, there's something else. So there's all these different things, and one of them or a number of them is definitely going to work, and that's why she gets the results she does. So, just as an example there, focus on the positive side of things, have an optimistic outlook, not a pessimistic outlook. Don't be negative, don't jump down the negative bandwagon. How many people do you see, hear, read about just jumping down that negative bandwagon, that spiral going down. Oh, this is bad. Oh, and then that's bad, oh, this is rubbish, oh, it's crap, the prime minister's rubbish, oh, the government's rubbish, this country's rubbish. Wow, and that's people's life most of the time. Talk about IBS drama. Imagine the stress and the lack of sleep and the worry and everything else that would come along with that. It must be very difficult living that type of lifestyle. And I get not everything in life's a bed of roses, and it's not meant to be a bed of roses. Life is difficult, and there is obstacles that get thrown our way, and every now and again we do feel like we've been thrown under a double-decker bus and trampled over 16 million times. But we've got to pick ourselves up, aren't we? We've got to think, right, let's it's rubbish, it's horrible what's just happened, or this thing that I'm going through. But what where is the lesson in this? What can I learn from this? How is it gonna make me into a better person? And you might not be able to see it straight away, but we'll later down the line. This is negative, but what's what can be positive? You know, today's a rubbish day, cool. Today's a rubbish day, it's a hot you know, it might be an awful day, but was your whole life like that? No, look at back in your life, where was positive, what's positive, and then how can tomorrow be a better day? So be positive, and that leads into the next one, really, is that life happens for us, not to us. There's many people have said that. Tony Robbins being one of them that comes to mind, but it really does. I as I've reflected back on my life, as I've reflected back doing these 49, as I've hit 49 years old today, and I spent hours reflecting in my journal and journaling these things down and talking to talking about them, sorry, with my wife. Even the most horrible things that have happened to me, and I've had some pretty shit things happen to me in my life, and I'm sure you have, because that is life, has always led me to being a better person, a more resilient man. And it's ultimately it's brought me to where I am today, sat in front of my computer recording this and giving you these points. I wouldn't be able to do this and be this person, delivering this, if I hadn't have had the garbage that's been thrown at me in my life and the rubbish, and you'll be the same. I won't be able to pass on to the wisdom to my children and to those around me if I haven't learned from experience. Because that's the thing, innit, with most people. You can tell somebody something and you don't really do it until you've experienced it yourself. It's crazy, isn't it? How many things have your mum or your dad told you, your grandparents, don't do this, don't do that, make sure you do this, makes you do that. And you don't listen to them until you fall into that trap and experience it yourself, and then you're like, Oh yeah, right, I need to make a note of that, write down or whatever, and don't do that again because it's rubbish. But we too we were told we we forget that we were told that and advised loads of times before it's crazy, and it'll be the the same with this podcast. You read me some of these, and you'll be like, eh. And then you'll experience something and be like, ah, yeah, that's that's true. I need to make that into my life moving forwards. And remember, it's uh crazy if you make several mistakes, as the saying goes. If you keep making the same mistake more than once, it's a sign of madness and not reflecting on it and learning from it. I think we've all been there though with that one. So life happens for us, not to us. Is just to finish on that one is when something bad happens, and I know some things can be really bad, really bad. Is it's not that the The thing that happened was bad is now good because it's never will be. But it's what can we learn from that? How can it make us into shape us into a better person moving forwards with that experience? And what you know, how can how how moving forwards, and more often than not, you can get lessons from things to add value to your life moving on. Don't watch and read the news. I was I've said this before. When I was in the military, I had to, because being in the army, world affairs, wars, conflicts, etc. As I was leaving the army, I read in a book or podcast or somewhere about having a news fast and not reading, listening, or watching the news for 30 days. And I thought, do you know what? I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do longer than that. I'm gonna do six months or a year, or whatever it was. And I haven't looked back. Now, it doesn't mean I don't care, it doesn't mean you don't care if you don't watch the news, and it doesn't mean that I'm less conversational around people when I'm out because they want to talk about politics or the news, and I don't because I'll still listen to people talk and I won't just cut them off. But it's for your mindset. That's what it is, it's for your mindset. You've got to think now. People now, most teenagers or people with phones, they wake up in the morning, they flick on the phone, they look at their iPhone, and it unlocks. You don't have any effort, you just look at it now and it unlocks. Next within two flicks, you're in Facebook or TikTok or whatever. And Facebook being an advertising and whatever else platform doesn't just show you what's important that you want to see about your friends and your family. It hits you with Dolly Parton's died at 80 odd year old, such and such has died, so and so has committed suicide, there's been a plane crash, there's a war going on, Russia's done this, Russia is threatening the UK turbine attackers, veterans are getting called up, and I you see, I this is things I've picked up on, and I don't even watch the news, and I pick up on stuff just because I'm having to use social media, and I'll come onto social media shortly, for the business and for obviously reaching out and keeping in touch with close friends and family that don't live near me. It's crazy. So, news fast, stay away from it. Journalists, and again, I could go on a whole podcast just about the news. A great book is uh by Ryan Holliday, is Trust Me, I'm Lying, I think it's called. And he's a former journalist, and he's obviously turned the other way, and it's all about his time doing journalists of how and it's just crazy to you know the how people create like gossip and create gossip basically turns into rumours, and rumours turns into new. And before you know it, these things that are not even true, these rumours, this gossip, turns into like wildfire. Because remember, negativity breathes like cancer, it spreads quickly, like wildfire, and before you know it, it's in the news as something that's true and real. And we get sucked into that that it's true. I'm not saying there's no war in Russia or in Ukraine, by the way. I'm just saying there's there is other elements of rubbish out there, and it's all it's objective, isn't it? It's like it's not even your opinion. Is it true? Oh, I don't know, it's the journalist. The journalist has gone to to look at it and they've reported on it what they believe and what they think is newsworthy. It's it's complete garbage. We're being brainwashed at the best of times in life, aren't we? And again, I'm not gonna go into a deep dive about how we're living in some sort of matrix, but you'll know where hopefully you'll know where I'm coming from. News fast, way forward. I mentioned it before social media is keeping it down to the absolute minimum, even if you've got to restrict yourself to 10 minutes a day or whatever that looks like. For me, I use a few of the platforms for the business. For you know, like this now. I mean, this is not really social media, it's a podcast channel. But in terms of I use YouTube quite heavily to upload videos, I think YouTube though is in of itself is good, it's a very, very good platform. I've got a lot of time for YouTube because there's a some great videos on there that can help us in our life, with our skills, uh, and loads of other different areas. So I'd keep social media, I think, even though it's social media, I guess, as in a way as a platform, I would put separately into its own box. Things like your Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, LinkedIn's garbage uh for me, and I don't like LinkedIn. Sorry if I offend anyone. Um, TikTok is garbage, Instagram is garbage, it's just AI. Now, you if you watch listen to this as an entrepreneur and you make tons and tons of money and you know help loads and loads of clients with these platforms, it's not garbage. Obviously, you this is what I'm saying, you've got to use social media for the intentionally for the right reasons, and it's good. But just I'm on about, and I should have said beforehand, I'm going on there and just doom scrolling and just getting sucked in. Companies invest multi-millions of dollars to make these things addictive and to make you stay on them platforms because the longer you're on there, the more they can advertise to you, they can make money through this, that, the other. So I like personally, I get in and I get out as quickly as I can. Just like in war or on operations in the military, get in, do what you need to do, and get out as quickly as possible. I'll admit, like most of you, I've fell victim of being sucked into AI created videos on Instagram before. Uh Elvis Presley is still alive and he's making kung fu videos and he's in space and dogs doing this and cats doing that, it's you know, and just crazy stuff. And before you know it, 20 minutes have gone by. And you do that enough time. The average time now they reckon, especially youths, are on their phones up to six hours a day. Six hours a day. How crazy is that if you had all that together per week, per month, and then what about 10 years? How many years is that of your life just scrolling mindlessly? Crazy. Enough said. Don't sweat the small stuff. Do you know what? I think I I heard this as well off uh recently off King Charles visited. I think she's the oldest woman in the UK. She's the oldest person in the in the world, I believe. It again, the age escapes me. I think it's like 116 or whatever, she's 115. So this old lady said one of the things that's you know, what's the secret to your success is longevity. And she said it was brilliant, don't sweat the small stuff. How many times do people around you, maybe you're as well, we're all done, get snappy or wound up or pissed off, annoyed and frustrated, worried, concerned over things that absolutely have no bearing on life overall. And if we were, you know, if we didn't wake up tomorrow morning, would it really matter? And if the answer's no, then don't sweat it. There's so many times that's got me out of a I guess a head spin where I've just thought, is it really the grand scheme of things a drama? No, it's not. Bug of it. And it just helps you, it helps you live more of a happier, fulfilled life and just get on with things. Road rage is a big one. I used to be a nightmare in my car if someone cuts me up or there's drama, and then you know, effing and blinding through the windscreen to myself and getting wound up and annoyed, and then driving to the you know camp if I when I was in the army, pissed off and like, oh, and thinking of all this negative stuff about this person that I've never even met. I don't even know him, and I'll never meet him again, ever. Did I have an accident? No. You know, was I involved in any accidents with that person? No. What how has that affecting my energy? And when I read that and started putting it into practice, it was a game changer. So now I'm not saying I don't get annoyed when someone cuts me up or there's a drama, because I do, I'm human. But within a very short space of time, I just flick it around and I just think it's not gonna affect my energy for the rest of the day, and just let it go by and it just let it pass. Done. It's no dramas, and it's a game changer. That's just as an example. Don't live in the past ever. Don't so many people live in the past, don't they? And just crutch, it's like a crutch. Use the past to learn from, obviously, use it to learn and then move forward. That's the best thing that was advised to me when I was younger, and it's so true. We're not just saying forget the past and that's it, you know, use it to learn. And obviously, you've got your memories, but I'm all about people just dwelling in the past. You hear veterans, and you can go to like some of the pubs that I used to go to when I did use to drink, and you'll see old crusty veterans sat on the bar, and they're in the pub every day drinking, just talking about the Falklands War or the times they went on exercise with such and such and such and such. And do you remember such and such? And he's dead, he's dead now, but he was a good lad, and and that's fine. It is it's good to reflect back and have these conversations every now and again, but all the time, it's just what is that doing to your life? Is it helping you move forwards? It might make you feel good in the moment, but is it helping you move forward? Is it growing yourself, your business, your life, your family? Chances are it's not. So I just let go of the past. Love it, if needs be, hey, learn from it, move on. Always get up on the right side of the bed. If you're not from this country or you've never heard the saying before, is ooh, he's got up on the wrong side of the bed, meaning you're grumpy, you've got up in a bad mood. Yeah, so get up on the right side of the bed, wake up. The first thing I do in the morning, I've done it for ages now, even if I've had a rubbish night or the day before has been rubbish, is as soon as I open my eyes, I think, wow, I can see. As soon as I can see, nine times out of ten, I've got my nine-year-old daughter coming in and giving me a cuddle and saying good morning, and it's amazing. And I cherish that moment. I cherish it because there's not gonna, she's not gonna do that forever. And then she's once she grows up, that's it. Unless I have grandchildren, I'm not gonna have any more children. So I'm really cherishing that moment, and that's again, it ties into being present, which we'll talk about later. And just think, right, do you know? I get out of bed, I've got plamo fasciitis and Achilles tendonitis at the minute, and my feet are like someone stabbing them, it's horrible. But I just think, you know, a little bit of stretching off, warm up, it's okay, it's no dramas. I've got legs, I can walk. Some of my friends have had the legs blown off in Afghanistan. What would that be like? So I've got legs, I can't complain, and this is great. I can walk it, you know, and you've got all these things going on, your senses. I can taste, I can smell, I can talk. I've got my wife then giving me a cuddle in the morning every day without fail. No matter what we've done the day before, the next day is a reset. Don't dwell on the past. Again, we've mentioned that before. Even the yesterday, kiss, cuddle, your kids, your wife, even if you've argued the day before and today's a new day, we can sort things out. We've got today. Always get up on the right side of the bed, you're alive. Okay, third kind of thing we're talking about cover today is character. We're not looking at that, like your faith and integrity. Have strong faith and a connection with God. If you're listening to this and you're an atheist, you've got a lot of courage because I I can only I can't imagine what that must be like. Living a life. I've always had faith. I used to go to church as a young child. I can always remember going to church and Sunday school. So I've been brought up in a pretty much Christian lifestyle uh around the teachings of Jesus Christ and having that connection with God. Have I been, you know, as the saying goes, have I been religiously religious? No, I haven't. There's been huge gaps in my life where, and I've only just started reading, for example, the Bible in the last three years, and it's a collection of a great collection of books. And I'm not saying you need to go out and buy the Holy Bible and start reading it. If you're a Christian or uh even Jewish, I know they the Old Testament is it goes back to a lot of um uh towards their teachings, is go and read it, read it and study it because it's not a book on religion, even though there's religious things in it, it's not a book on religion, it's a collection of books. There's what 46, 47, it might be more, don't quote me on of books, and that's what Bible means, collection of books. And here's the thing that every every single self-development, growth, mindset, whatever book that I've read, I can pick up my bookshelf. There's either directly or indirectly, is in the Bible. So it's it's it's a huge collection of self-development books and how to live your life and be a better person in a nutshell. So for me, is again reflecting back, is my connection with God. I believe I've got closer over the last handful of years, and it's just amazing. It's been a complete game changer for me. It helps me feel more purposeful in life and more connected. Something to think about. Uh that leads me into having strong values, and also again, it goes back to what I mentioned before about a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, is don't sit with the values that you've got, even though some of them, and if not all of them, are gonna be really good. Always be open to adopting new ones, or maybe changing some that you've already got, you know. Values are not set in stone. Nothing in life is set in stone, is it? Everything's fluid, everything can be changed. Some things are more difficult to change than others, and change isn't easier, it's not easier. Trying to explain to you or to, you know, we've worked with, like I say, with our clients, I think the biggest obstacle for a professional guy, everybody, every man with IBS says they want to sort their IBS out. And they say that, and I'm not saying they're lying, but when Nut comes to crunch, a lot of guys, not everybody, but a lot of guys won't do it. Even if I hand them, if it even if I hand them on a silver platter, the full solution, which is what my wife has, for most guys, there's the full solution. If you follow these steps, these methods, these frameworks, you will sort your IBS out, you'll not only manage it, but you'll master it, and it'll have a positive effect on everything that I'm talking about today and in your life. Will they do it? No. No. One, they might not believe it, and then there's all these other BS that comes up. But I think overall, because it's change, you're right, it's a big change, isn't it? Even though it's a positive change, change is difficult. So having that, adopting that mindset, as you will, is is key. And so having strong values, but be open for new ones. Be honest, is so important, not just with other people, with yourself. How many times have you lied to yourself? And if you lie to yourself, or if you know, say you're gonna do something, do it, be a man of your word where you can. I know it's not always the case. Sometimes you can't help letting people down or not being able to do something or fulfil something that you've said or you've promised. Sometimes there is things get in the way, and that can't be helped, but mostly, most of the time, be a man of your word, because not only will other people trust you, but you'll trust yourself, and that is the biggest, biggest killer to your own person, your own yourself, to your own integrity, to your self-worth, is if you let yourself down and you lie to yourself. I can I can I can't imagine what that's like if somebody's like they're doing it all the time. I've clearly it's happened to me in the past, and it's horrible. So then be honest with yourself and be honest to others as well, be truthful and be honest to other people around you. If you can't do something, say you can't do it. If you can't turn up to an event, be honest with them. Now, obviously, we do we can't be like totally honest. Like, what does this dress look like, love? Do you fact do you like this dress? No, you look really disgusting, and it's a horrible colour and it's making you look fat. We don't say things like that to women, do we? So there is obviously occasions where we can uh sidestep certain things, but you you know where I'm going with that one, being honest. That leads into having that respect, doesn't it? Really, that self-respect. You've got to respect yourself, and I have learnt that over the years, especially in the military, is self-respect and then it's see what I mean. It all boils down to, as I said, all the circling about the beginning of the this episode of starting with yourself as number one. Because you respect, if you love yourself, you love other people. If you respect yourself, you respect other people. If you're honest with yourself, you can be honest with other people. Do you see what I mean? That that's hopefully you're picking up on that now. Uh and don't gossip, gossip or chat, you know, complete BS. There's a there's a saying somewhere, a phrase that small minds or little minds, somebody said once, talk about people, whereas great minds talk about ideas and concepts, and and there's you know everything in between. But if you're just wasting your time talking about, oh look what such and such is doing, or and worse than that is when people don't talk about each other, the people that they know, they're talking about and gossiping about people on that they don't know and will never meet. Like, I don't know. Uh have you seen what Prince Plum and Charles or King Charles is up to? Prince Charles, I'm not about to watch news. Um, and they're talking about celebrities. They're talking about celebrities, I don't know, gossiping about I don't know, they've had plastic surgery and they don't look right. And women are saying, Have you seen that dress? And it's crazy, isn't it? Waste of time, time just getting wasted on discussing mindless clutter that has no relevance in life and doesn't help ourselves move forward. And then also, if you if that's happening all the time around your kids, your kids are picking up on that and thinking, oh, that's what we do in life. We talk about each other and we judge people and talk negative about people and chat bullshit about people and about each other, and then your kids start doing it. So just be mindful about what you're saying. Talk about things, but talk about ideas, talk about concept, your goals if you've got a family. Talk about what you're gonna do in the summer or Christmas, discuss about school and maybe swimming lessons and what grade would your kids want to get to. Um, talk about being fit or what fitness goals, your fitness things that you're doing in the gym and discuss, have these discussions, play board games and Lego with your kids and connect to them. And while you're playing with them, you know, teach them positive things and reinforce good value values again and use the time for that instead. I've said before, just to um mention it about respect and being honest and loving yourself as well. You've got to love yourself, be in love with yourself. I know it sounds about you can't be in love with yourself. Like I don't mean stand in the mirror and ooh, look at me, I'm so handsome. I don't mean like that. I mean obviously, but love yourself, don't hate yourself, don't look in the mirror. And if you don't like the reflection that's looking back at you, there's some work that needs doing, isn't there? If you are like me, maybe you've had I had PTSD and I didn't even realise for years that I had all this past trauma and it started coming out in various ways. I was getting angry and irritable for no reason, not violent, obviously. And I went and seeked help because, again, leading by example, who would I be to do these this content about getting help and levelling up in life if I'm not going to do that myself? So I held myself accountable and I went to see a psychologist. I paid over time, over several sessions, thousands of pounds out of my own money and got the help of the one of the best psychologists in York, where I lived at the time. And that led me down to getting CBT, cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy therapy, sorry, CBT, and it squared me away big time. Absolutely squared stuff away and has helped me out amazing. And I can't recommend it enough. So the point being is you if you're looking in the mirror and you don't like the reflection staring back at you for whatever reason, forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself, and take steps forward so that you do love yourself and then you can love other people. Practice gratitude often. Gratitude is the attitude, as the saying goes. And I know it sounds maybe sounds blasé, but I read uh the gratitude effects book by um Di Martini, I think it was, years ago. I'm going back to 2019, and it was a complete game changer. I read it, and I started practicing gratitude every day. I used to wake up in the morning and uh scribble in an A5 notebook, things that I was grateful for in the past, present, and things that I'm gonna be grateful for in the future. And I'd do it before I went to sleep at the side of my bed, bedside light on, no devices. What am I grateful for? Three, and even starting with three things and just closing that and going to sleep on things I'm grateful for. And it didn't do anything for about a week or two, it didn't do anything maybe for a month, but three months onwards, I was a completely different person. And actually, now I don't even write a book anymore. I mean, I I did that for a year and a half to two years. I've got my old gratitude journals in the drawer. So I did that religiously, as you will, for a number for a long time. So I built up that muscle memory. And what happens is over time, you just naturally start seeing the good and things to be grateful for. And you you are genuinely, I mean, genuinely grateful, not just, oh yeah, thanks or whatever. For example, the other day we had the carbon monoxide alarm went off at home. Thankfully, my wife and daughter had gone to they'd gone shopping for the day to city centre to do some birthday shopping. So I was on my own cooking dinner for everybody in a slow cooker, let the dogs in the garden, carbon monoxide alarms going mental. I'm like, oh. So obviously open all the windows and doors, turn the gas off at the main step outside, phoned up the emergency number. And within an hour, uh a company called Cadence, a lovely lad called Ryan. Oh, if you ever listen to this, Ryan, you're amazing, came to the door, and straight away, without even thinking about it, it wants something I'd rehearsed. I said, you know what, I'm genuinely grateful for you coming today and helping me out with this because my wife and daughter are due back in a few hours. And at the moment, if I've got a if there is a gas leak, you know, how dangerous is that with, you know, in terms of we might need an Airbnb for the Night Hotel. Everything was fine in the end, and he sorted it out quickly. But we have we can always have a lot of things to be not grateful for in this, especially in the United Kingdom, people whinging and moaning all the time about immigration and pardon me, and taxes. And various other bits and pieces. And whilst all that might be true, there is so much to be grateful for in this country. So much to be grateful for. And I and I and I'm in a different thankfully, I'm not in a bad position. You know, I live in a nice house, in a nice area. We've spoken about environment, or we're going to speak about environment in this shortly. I've got a beautiful family. I've got money, you know, enough, more than enough to live the lifestyle that I want to live when we're going on holiday. But I've obviously manufactured that in the time in the military and beyond. So I'm very fortunate, but I've worked hard to get to this position, and I'm grateful for this country. I am. Now it doesn't mean I might not want to move abroad or at some point or spend some time overseas, but there's so much to be grateful for. You know, if you if you go out and have a car accident, you you get what you are, the emergency services over here are amazing. If you think they're rubbish and you start whinging about the NHS or the police or fire brigade, go to Africa, to Kenya or Somalia and good luck with that. And I'm not slating them. The beautiful countries, Kenya. I've been three times. But just go out to some of these countries, these third world countries that are struggling, Ethiopia or there's tons of countries out there, billions of people that don't have the things that we have over here, the security. Yeah, there might be threats from this country and that country, and the government might be this and that. But what there's loads of positives, and there's a whole list. The fact that the dustbin man comes um every week or every other week to take out the general waste and the recycling. When I was in uh Kosovo, former Yugoslavia, they didn't have dustbin services, so there's rubbish everywhere and it stunk. And then you get bacteria, diseases, and all this going on, and people are getting ill. And there's just, you know, and they didn't have an even have a crematorium working. So you've got body parts in Kosovo that were piling up in skips, rotting and decaying. Human legs and arms, I'm talking about. And there's not, I'm not lying and making this up. This is all true. At the time, when I was out there in Kosovo, that that city was, and it wasn't their fault because they'd been in conflict between obviously Serbians and Albanians, they didn't have any of that. And I think that has made me more of a grounded, grateful person. Just go on YouTube and you put a search bar, the slums of India, and show, show, show it to your children. If your children are not feeling grateful, say, look at the slums in India, would you like to live there? And you wouldn't, would you? And it's again, it's not the in it's not them people's fault, but there's so much to be grateful for. There's so much not to bear, clearly, but there is in life anyway. So gratitude is thatitude. Last one on that is be kind, be kind to yourself and be kind to those around you. Kindness is is so important. It doesn't mean you need to be a lay down all the time, it doesn't mean you need to be weak and just be like, I don't know, flipping, just giving everybody everything all the time. Clearly, you've got to protect your space, your time, your family. But it doesn't hurt to be kind, it costs nothing, does it? To be nice to people, to be courteous, to let people through. You know what I mean? Uh and again, it it helps in so many different areas as well. Last part is people, relationships, and environment. And again, just as a sidestep there, we've been at this a wee while, and hopefully you're writing some of these down, and you most of these, if not all of these, you're putting you into practice yourself. And I hope you are, and you'll know where I'm coming from that these are amazing and that they're a game changer in your life when you reflect back and see the importance of these to make you into a more powerful, better righteousness, and just a better man overall, you know, in terms of life. And this could be for women as well. I mean, this is a men's channel, we help men with IBS. So, but this is for your kids as well, isn't it? Uh so the five people we hang around with, I heard a long time ago, is the average of who we become. I think there's so much truth in that, isn't there? I can't remember what book I read that in. Was it Dale Carnegie? Um, Influence, How to Win Friends and Influence People, it might have been in there. That was many years ago in 2018 when I read that. I've heard it a few times over the years, but I know I know that again to be true. So if you're hanging around with all the time, consistently, five people that are negative, that are always gossiping, maybe criminals taking drugs, maybe drinking too much, overweight, five people five people. There's a there's a town in Wales, again, nothing against the Welsh, because Wales, I used to live in Brecon, uh, and it's an amazing place, really beautiful little town. And I lived there for many, many years of my life. We've got some fond memories, but there's a town in Wales, it's the called the fattest town in the UK, and there's a YouTube video on it which is crazy. We watched, we watched that with Will Tennyson, and most people, if they're like the majority of people in this town who are overweight, are beasts, so it's the environment. Your environment is absolutely key. But the people you hang around with, if you're hanging around with people that are like that, and again, I'm not having to go at people that are overweight, obviously, I'm not choosing as an example, is that they end up sort of coming becoming the same themselves. Our person, what are our personalities made up of? The experiences that we've had in our life, in it, and the the things that we believe to be true, what our beliefs, things that we've been told, stories that we've been told, isn't it? Who will who tells us things and stories? People that we hang around with, whether it's on in person or on socials. So what goes into our mind is rubbish in, rubbish out. Isn't it? Rubbish in, rubbish out. Whether you've something that you read, but obviously speaking about people that you're talking about and that you're doing daily. If you're hanging around with five people all the time and you're busy with them and they're not training, not going to the gym, and you're not going to train and going to the gym, what's the effect on that long term? If you've got hanging around with men, and maybe one or two of them have got IBS, and they're saying, Oh, yeah, I've tried a few supplements, nothing works out there. And then you form that belief. Are you then going to sort your IBS out? No, chances are you know. So hang around with you know, better people, really, more empowering people, people that lift you up, positive, uh, that are going to be there for you. Something to think about. I mentioned it before, environment being key, not just for you, but for your family. I said it uh circling back to gratitude that I mentioned about being grateful about where I am now. It's not that I'm lucky or fortunate. Obviously, like you, I'm a hard-working guy and I have been in my life 23 years in the army, highest rank, leaving, grizzing it out for years and years, learning skills of as an entrepreneur, trying to grow online business and write books and everything else that I've been doing and taking the hit financially, like massively, getting into debt as me and my wife have flipping, scraping by for years. Again, I'm going back in time now when I left the army to try and grow what we what we're doing today. But it's worth it. Things are worth it because then what it's enabled us to do is give our daughter and moving forwards, you know, ourselves, the lifestyle that we want to live, which ultimately the better we are, the more happy we are, the more grounded. Guess what? That's going to help us help our clients. It's going to help us help other people because the better we are. Remember, it starts with you, said that before. It starts with you. The better you are, the better you'll help other people, the more value you'll be able to add. Because you come in and you're grounded, and your foundation is starting at a good place, isn't it? Because you're starting with a new environment. Imagine then on the flick side, and I got brought up in a council estate. I've lived in council estates, uh, rough parts of West Yorkshire, where there's a lot of car crime, burglaries, assaults, fighting, drinking dramas, drugs. I've been there, done that before I joined the army, and I made a vow when I was in the military. Whenever it is that I leave the military, I said years ago, I'm never ever gonna live where I used to live when I was growing up. And I want to always keep levelling up and improving where I live. And as I said to you before, since leaving the military in 2019, I've had the uh I've had the opportunity to live in York, which is one of the safest, nicest, cleanest uh cities in the whole of England, or United Kingdom, if you Google it, it's near Harrogate. I now live in the that was North Yorkshire. I've now since moved to Norfolk in a beautiful area in Norfolk. We're very close to Sandringham, where the the king spends his time at Christmas, uh the Sandringham Estate. It's beautiful. Uh we've got plans to move to an even better place. It's just like constantly just the environment is brilliant. My school, my school, my daughter's school is fantastic, the teachers are brilliant, the kids that she hang around, hang around with the good, and that's important, isn't it? So, enough said on that. Get rid of all the negative people in your life. There's drains and there's radiators, isn't there? Yeah, drains and radiators. There's people, do you? Yeah, reflect back. You probably know some now of how many people, whether it's on Facebook, if you're on there, or in person at work, in your family, and speaking to them, and you're just like, oh. Or listen to them talk is just like, oh my goodness. You feel like a vacuum, like they suck harder than a flipping Dyson, don't they? Just like drain any kind of morale or whatever from you. Or there's other people that just chipping away at you all the time, chipping away at your morale. The best thing to do is why are you putting up with them, first of all? If it's family, it's you've got to, it's a it's more tricky, isn't it? If it's close family, like I mean your mum, your dad, your brothers, any sort of sort of siblings. But any quote unquote friends, they're not really friends, are they? If they're not adding value in your life, and again, I'm not trying to sound self-centred here because I'm not, because I think having a friendship that's not a marriage, is it well, even a marriage, is a two-way street. It's a two-way street. If I'm gonna add value and be a good friend, first of all, I've got to it's it all starts with me. I've got to be a good friend to have a good friend. Then if the person that I'm being friends with isn't a good friend and he's getting me down and he's being a bit of a belter, then I'm not gonna bother with them. It's as simple as that because life is far too short. Life is too short, in my opinion. I've only got one life, and giving someone your time is like tokens, isn't it? You imagine having a pile of poker tokens. I don't gamble, but you've seen them in films. The poker tokens, you only get given if each one of them represents a week or even an hour. You've you've got a big sack full of these tokens, and each one of them is an hour. Every time an hour of your life is gone, you just throw a token in the bin, and the bag slowly goes down until one day there's nothing left in the bag, is there? When we die. So if you're giving somebody a token, uh, your life, that's negative and that's doing your heading, then that token's gone. It's never, you never could you can't get that time back. So the best thing to do is thin them out. Um, whether you do it on Facebook as well as a game changer, if you're on there like I am for my family and friends, is go through your quote unquote friends. If anybody's on there posting shite about spreading hate news, I've had people that I know of veterans that on Facebook that I've been connecting with that have been spreading hateful news and really dark negative stuff. Guess what? You're getting reported to Facebook, and then I'm gonna thin you out and block you because I'm not down for that. I'm not saying you can't have an opinion and all that good stuff, but yeah, I'm not down for that. In my opinion, it's just how I want to live. And again, it's all about you. Remember that it all comes down to how you want to um how you want to tailor your lifestyle. If you're happy being surrounded by rubbish, then hey-ho. Invest in some dogs, just as a I guess uh as a sidestep, and they're looking at me on the floor, blessing, half asleep. We've got two dogs, we've got a German pointer and a big dog, and then a small cocka poo. Um, and uh, you know, an 11-year-old and a three-year-old, and it's just the best thing ever. Getting a dog is amazing because it does so much for you, doesn't it? If you've got cats, then again, that's you know, if you take them for a walk. But but with a dog, you can get them on the lead or off the lead. You can go, I go running with mine, it's brilliant. It gets me out more into nature. We said all this before, my environment. It I get more steps in, they offer love and companionship. I could just sit and talk to them and they don't ever they don't ever talk back and chops off. They don't they listen to what I've got to say. So it's just they're brilliant. Good for you, good for your mindset and good for your health set. Moving on. Remember, friends and family are like seasons. I should have, you know, mentioned this about before about negative people, it's it ties in with that really. And I got to Alex Mose, entrepreneur from America. I watched a video of his ages ago, and he was mentioned before, so true, so true. That friends are like seasons. They come and go. And we should accept that and also again be grateful that some friends that we held dear to our heart that were good friends, throughout, he might have even been for a long time, for years. Look, I had some really good school friends. I'm not really friends with them anymore. I've connected on Facebook, done, send them a happy birthday or a message every now and again. I'm friends with, you know, say friends connected to really now, isn't it? People that I went to not just school with, but even in the army, veterans. Again, they're not friends anymore, such. We don't phone each other, we don't do the things that good friends should be doing. So, but it's it's all good. It's all good. But it's letting people go. If you need to let go, and again, it's circle back to letting go of the past. Friends are like seasons. Don't be afraid to let go and don't hang on to Deadwood. Be faithful to your wife and to those that are really close to you, your kids, best friends, you know, but mainly your wife, your partner. Yeah, remember you're in a contractor then, and again, circling back to having that God relationship, but you're in a covenant with your wife. Look after that person, and they look after you, look after each other, but be faithful, be honest with her, and work hard at your marriage. I said it before, work hard. And because why not? Do you know what I mean? If you're gonna spend your life with someone, why make it rubbish? Uh reflect, you know. This whole thing today is reflection, isn't it? It's come from reflection. Spend time sitting. I've spoken about this, what I'm going through with you now. I chatted with my wife over a cup of tea yesterday for about an hour about this. So share things together and communicate. You know, there's again, this is not a podcast on relationships, but just be faithful to your wife. Uh be faithful to yourself, be faithful to God, be faithful to your wife, a game changer. Work hard on your marriage. I've already mentioned it. It's like tie and tie again. If your marriage is shit, if it's rubbish and it's caught, maybe that's causing your IBS flare-ups as well. And I get it. Maybe your wife is blooming seeing someone else. Being there with my ex-my ex-wife, done that, and it's rubbish. If you and I've been married before, this is the point I was speaking again from experience, even being in a rubbish relationship, a rubbish marriage, cut you've got to cut ties. They can be like seasons as well. Don't do what I do. I I spent too many years in a marriage because of my children, thinking I was doing the right thing. I'm staying with her because I I want to have a connection with my children. But you know, I didn't want to split up with her because I thought I'd hurt my children. But guess what? Staying with her in an unloving marriage where we were mean to each other and arguing constantly did more damage, I reckon, long term to my kids than had I have just left and then put up with that trauma of me leaving that the upset, the heartache, and for me, of just pulling the put pulling the cord when I was when they were a lot younger and when I should have done, and maybe all the same. So if you are in a marriage, it's not working, and you've tried various stuff, and it is really, really like rubbish, just leave. Remember, life's too short. The tokens get made, don't hold on to deadwood. It's horrible, it's going to be upsetting for you and other people, and move on. I wish I'd have done that sooner. Anyway, learn how to raise children. Again, I wish I'd have known this. If my kids ever listen to this, the ones that have grown up to my previous marriage, you know, they know I'm sorry, and I wish I could have done. We always things we could have done things better when we were younger, knowing what we know now. But obviously, I've been blessed with a daughter now, she's nine, coming up to ten on Sunday, is just really like you don't know everything. We don't know everything. And I, you know, I never had a dad. So my dad was non-existent. I had a mum that was hardly there, she did what she could with the knowledge she had. I was always a child minders, aunties and uncles growing up, and my grandparents. And yeah, I had loads of drama growing up, a lot of childhood trauma, and it's just so I if I if I just then put that into practice as I did with my other kids that are now grown up, and trying to be a dad, I am trying to be a dad without any, in my opinion, in this scenario, from never even having a dad. It's crazy, isn't it? Thinking about looking back, it's crazy. Whereas since then I've read books, I think three, four books on raising girls specifically, because I've got a daughter, I've listened to a couple of podcasts, and I go back and revisit them from time to time as well because you you can't always remember things, just to just to check in and make sure that I'm doing things better. Not for me, but for her. So just think of it from that angle. You know, you're benefiting them, it's the next generation, isn't it? Is that they can then grow up with memories and think, you know what, my dad was gleaming. It won't perfect, but it was really, really, you know. Enough said, is it just for me personally? I wish I'd have done that before. I wish somebody had told me that before and I had that belief when I was younger. But it's something that I've definitely put into practice now is learn how to raise children, don't rely on just experience. Don't give, be a giver. What's the difference? You say, Oh, don't give. Well, it's saying don't give. Giving is a one-time thing. Being a giver is a habit, it's a lifestyle, it's who you are in identity. And being a giver is not only it's obviously we circle back to the Bible, God, but it's makes you more, I believe, grounded as a person. It goes back to kindness and back to love, back to being gratitude. George Michael said it best in one of the best songs that you know is for charity is in the song Praying for Time. Charity is the coat you wear twice a year, I think he said in that song. And it's so true, and he did so much for philanthropy. It's just, and it's not just giving money. Everybody thinks, oh, yeah, it's charity, I've got to give money away, and I've not got much money, or this, that, and that. It's not just money. Giving someone your time, listening to someone is worth more than it's weight in gold. It really is. Sometimes for some people, just listening to them is worth worth it. I've had calls in the past with clients and potential clients that have phoned us up to work with CJ for their IBS to so they can get IBS mastery. And we've had conversations and it's been me. I'm there to listen and ask questions and listen, listen to what somebody is going on in that person's life and how it's affected them. You know, uh a care, flipping egg. Because at the end of the day, if you're gonna help someone, you need to know what's going on. And they've said at the end, you know, and we've this is people we've never worked with that we'll never work with. You know, they've not spent a penny or invested anything to work with us, but they've still said at the end of the call that having someone that actually listens and cares, that they can offload and understands and gets it, is worth its weight in gold. And that can be the thing that helps people. So it's giving people your time. Yes, you can give money, there's donating different things you can do for charity. If you're way down the line, philanthropy, there's giving things away, uh, clothes, shoes. There's we sell a couple of things on eBay, but the majority of stuff that we are finished with goes to charity shops, various charity shops. So there's just a few examples, and that's not me saying, Oh, look at me giving to charity. It's just using it as an example. Um, that it doesn't have to be a one-time thing. Don't get me wrong, giving things every now and again is fine, it's cool in the gang. But being a giver is, I think, is is a game changer. Smile and laugh often. You hear it before, don't you? It's just a gift, it's a gift to you, and it's a gift to other people as well. Smiling at other people when you're passing them in the streets. Uh, and again, I'm not saying smile at people that are being idiots and being belters. Maybe you go smile because you're laughing at them, but yeah. So I'm not just saying smile at everyone and just be like Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Pushover, not all, but smile often. Be thankful at a cash out. You know, if you're at a shop, like use the person's name tag. I I make a point of that if I'm in if I'm in a supermarket when we don't get, we get shopping delivered, but every now and again you pop in and it might say, I don't know, David. And I always clock it. It's the first thing I do is clock their name tag and I use their name because it's important to that person. That's why they wear a name tag. They don't wear a name tag so in case they forget their own name so they can check in on themselves. Oh, I'm David. It's so the people know who they are. So use it as an example and smile at them and ask them genuinely, have a nice day. Thank you for your service and for your time and and smile, have a laugh with them if you can. Make some funny comments and just line up their day, and it lightens up your day as well. So it's a like a two way street. Listen to others. I've mentioned it before about the call example is listening to other people and always be curious, not nosy. There's a there's a fine line between being. Nosy and being curious, isn't there? Like digging into someone's personal information because you're genuinely being nosy versus being curious and trying to learn, trying to learn about that person, about their beliefs, about the thing that's going on that you're the story that they're sharing with you. Maybe you need some more context to understand it better so you can enjoy and be in that moment with them. So I'm not perfect at any of this. As a side note, before we finish off in a minute, I'm not I'm not perfect, and nobody is perfect. And this is a journey, it's a continual journey. There's things here that I'm not amazing at that I'm still working at myself, but I'm doing them. So again, I know to be true. Chapter part five is growth, learning and adding value. Always be growing your skills and your knowledge. Always. I teach and I've said it to my little girl, you know, she comes home some days and she's threaders at school, and she's oh school's rubbish, and you know, learning and this, you know, I can't wait for school to finish one day. And I said, Do you know what? School in itself will finish one day, but learning should never finish. How do you mean? And I said, you know, I to quote Gandhi, Muhammad Gandhi, and I think he said along the lines, Alpha, you're gonna live like it's live every day like it was the last, and study as though you're gonna live forever. Study like you're gonna live forever, as though you're gonna get to 100 or 101, whatever age you would want to get to. Even a hater, keep studying every day, whether that's reading books on bringing your kids up, I've mentioned, whether you're bringing uh developing your business skills, your sales skills, even if you're working full time and you don't like where you're working, so you're trying to get away. And I've been there and done that, and you may be trying to start a side hustle to then grow a business like we are, that you're reading the books and you're learning from people on YouTube, you're investing your money in courses to learn and to level up. So you're always, always growing your skills and your knowledge. Don't be a know-it-all. Again, know-it-all, fix mindset. Remember, have that growth mindset. And what I would say as well, and I'm speaking again with absolute certainty, is if you are watching YouTube channels and videos, maybe watching our videos, and I hope they're helping these podcasts, they're just the start. These are just the starting point with anything. If you want to go deep on a certain skill, you're not going to be able to learn, for example, you can't become a black belt at karate by watching YouTube videos. You can learn a few kicks, no doubt, and you could learn some moves and some cool stuff, but you ain't going to get to black belt or a decent level of karate or any martial arts or any skill just by watching YouTube videos. You get a little bit from it, obviously, it can help, but you need to then invest your time, your money into the person or a course or a programme or consultations, whatever that looks like, to really go deep on a certain area, whether that's uh marketing, advertising, business, IBS, whatever that looks like. Uh and again, don't be shy from that. Speaking from experience, since I left the army and CJ is the same. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on various courses where I want to go deep on a certain skill, whether that's coaching, whether that's sales and marketing, whatever that looks like for you, personal training, fitness. I did personal training, level three diploma, not even to be a personal trainer. I just one, it was to use uh because the alarm pays for that when you're leaving on resettlement. So I did it for that because it was getting paid for mostly, but also to deep deepen my own knowledge on strength and fitness and all that stuff. So, and just to give me that extra layer from the experience that I had, just as an example again, no bragging, just as an example there. Um Dobin know it all I've already mentioned. Read daily, that you know, we said about the knowledge. Leaders are readers. Winston Churchill said it, leaders are readers, whether you're leading your family, whether you're leading your business, and more importantly, circle it all the way back to leading yourself. You've got to lead yourself first before you can lead others. So read daily, books, articles. Even nowadays, you don't even need to physically read it. I love I love reading books. I've got a huge bookshelf full of books, Charlie Gina's. I've got more books uh in my Kindle than I've got on my bookshelf, and I've got books here and books there and everywhere, but magazines, but they're not just sat there either. It's not shelf development, it's self-development and reading, uh, highlighting, putting notes in there and journaling and reflecting, and just become a student, become a student of your life because you are your own CEO, aren't you? You are the CEO of your life in your family's life moving forwards. So study uh again, like Gandhi said, study like you're gonna live forever, as though you're gonna live forever. Keep studying. Next is obviously I'd mention it there because if you if you are reading, is journaling. All this that I'm coming out with today is a byproduct of journals, or my journaling notes and reflection, and that's where it's come from. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without journaling and reflecting. So journaling and reflecting, things that you've learned, quotes that you love, why do you love them? Why is it that a certain passage in the Bible speaks to you? What can you learn from that? What whatever it's whether it's King Solomon that's taught you in business and it relates to this or your marriage, how can you make the thing and put it into practice to move forwards? So there's all these, and there's just a few examples, there's there's loads more. Journal often and reflect. And then the last part of that one is add value to serve others. I believe an opera winfrey said it once, and it's in the Bible again, obviously. You are obliged to share your wisdom. If you sat and you know tons of stuff, loads of experiences and skills and things that could help somebody else out, and we can all help other people out, is share it. Whether that's in a book, you want to write a book, I've written a book. Um, for those that have purchased that IBS Inversion or listened to it, it's free on this podcast channel. And we've got, you know, for example, I'm just on the final editing stage of a book that I'm helping my wife write. I mean uh I think it's called IBS in Men. And then we both wrote a book, Men's IBS Secrets, again, 80% complete. So there's kind of loads of books there that we're trying to share our things that we know to be true: frameworks, wisdom, themes, things that people can put into practice in various different aspects of their life to help them move forwards. And it doesn't just need to write a book because writing a book is hard work. It could be a YouTube video if you don't like doing videos, it could be a podcast, audio version if you don't like recording your voice. There's loads of different ways of doing that. It's just to get your message out there and get help people around you in the workspace, in business, your kids. I mean, it's your kids at the starting point, aren't they? Is share wisdom with them, life lessons, so they become up, you can bring them up to be better people than hopefully you uh when you were that age, but obviously beyond. Uh a little bit like a legacy, I guess, which we're going to talk about next. So legacy, strategy, and what matters most to me, obviously it matters most to me, but to share, is having high standards, good standards, and again be flexible with them as well, be fluid with them. Have good standards. The standards that you set are the standards that you expect to move forward as well. Have high standards. I don't mean be this absolutely rigid, disciplined sergeant blummy major where you've got to do it this way and that's it, because that's like a fixed mindset. But have things that are important and set them standards, like uh even with your kids, not letting them get away with not making the bed in the morning. It's just little things like that. Making your bed in the morning, there's a great video on that, isn't there, on YouTube with the ex is a Navy SILS admiral, and I think it's called first make it make your bed is the most important thing. And we do in the army, we we get up in the train in training in the army, and the first thing you've got to do when you wake up is do a it used to be do a bed block where you've got to make your bed a certain way and fold everything and iron it all and put it all together because it's creating that standard that you're gonna wake up in the morning and bang, you're into that routine, and then if all that even if the whole else fails throughout the day, at least you've got a nicely made bed to come back to at night before when you get into bed. Uh so this just as an example, think long term humans typically by default, it's nobody's fault, is it? You know, it by default, we we just it's like what what is the crocodile snapping at the boat? We just see what's in front of us, and maybe the next day, like we're planning, and we might plan for summer, like a summer holiday. Maybe we start putting some money away for Christmas in a in a year. But who do you know? Not many people, is it, that plan five years, ten years, and beyond. And that doesn't mean that we're consistently living in the future because that's not been present, and we'll come on to that shortly, but it's being able to look at your life and do things now moving forwards for the rest of your life, isn't it? Like I'm doing things now, and I and I kind of stealing thunder from other the last few because we've got a few more to go through and we're done. For example, thinking long term. I'm thinking I want to live to 101 or more. I want to get to 100. Not many people, I don't think anyone in my family, even my great-grandparents, got to that age. I think they got to like late 70s, early 80s. So, wouldn't it be amazing, I think, for me to be a first in my family tree to get to 100? I'm not up against it genetically because I don't think there's any history of cancers, heart disease, or anything in my family. So I'm very fortunate in that respect, both sides, from what I'm led to believe. But whatever, just as an example, then it's okay thinking like that. I want to get to 101, but I want to get there, I don't just want to scrape my way there. I don't just want to firefight my way there and just be like bent over in rag. I want to get there in longevity and also in good shape. I want to get there in as little pain as possible and being able to do fulfilling things, don't you? So you can create memories, and we'll come on to that shortly. So you can do things. And somebody said to me today, the other day, with like I do bodybuilding, I go running when I can and I'm not injured and swimming, and I used to go cycling a lot and do a lot of cycling. And in terms of just doing fitness, cardio, and strength, when when are you gonna stop doing all that? And the day I will stop training is the day that I die. It is the day when I physically cannot do it anymore. Like if I physically cannot go out and run because of two whatever's going on, then I won't do it. And same with strength training in the gym or whatever, up until that point I keep doing it. Why do I keep doing it? Because guess what? It's proven, and that's the same reason I don't drink alcohol and I don't eat much UPF, because it keeps my waist circumference down, it sorts my blood sugars out, it sorts my IBS out, I eat healthy, I eat well in terms of avoiding my triggers, because then I don't get any symptoms. And if I don't keep my if I keep my symptoms out of the way, life is good overall, and also doing everything that I do and all this list that I'm sharing with you now consistently each day, and I'm not perfect, then hopefully, God permitting, I will get to that age or as close to it as possible and have enjoyed it. Do you see what I mean? Whereas if I think, oh yeah, I'd love to want to get to like 90 or 100 or more and see the kids and the grandkids and hopefully great-grandkids, who doesn't want that? And to see their loved ones develop and grow up into amazing adults and beyond. Do you know what I mean? Like to be there for as long as possible. Again, that's my belief. It's what I want, and it's just as an example. And it's the same with our business. Somebody said to me about retiring, retirement. I don't want to retire. I never want to retire. People go to work full-time and they've gone, oh yeah, be happy one day. I'll be happy one day in a full-time job when I get to 67 and a half or 70 or whatever the age retirement age is now, and then that's it. What? It just doesn't make sense to me. Well, that's it. Retire. Full what do what? Just sit around the house all day, go for a few walks. Yeah, maybe go on holiday. Yeah, but what are you doing? What what purpose have you got? What how are you adding value? Because that these things matter for longevity. How are you and that somebody might be happy in that lifestyle? That's cool. But for me, I don't want to retire. I want to consistently keep doing things like this, helping people, adding value. I've gone up the elevator in life. I want to press the button and pass it back down somewhere else. So that's again my mindset. Think long-term with goals in your life, with your family, everything, and create good habits and routines, as I've mentioned there, that support those goals and dreams. Imagine now if I said, Oh, or if you say, Oh, yeah, I'd love to live to a ripe old age. Or, you know, I don't want to ever get, for example, type 2 diabetia, I don't want to get any maybe cancer, any heart disease, I don't want to have a heart attack. Okay, let's look at that. Genetically, is that, you know, if you've got it in your family, if it's hereditary, if it's in your family, then you're up against it, obviously. And and that's not, you know, again, if that is the case, we've got a you know, Alzheimer's is another one, isn't it? Dementia. How can I combat things like that? Well, what things scientifically and robust evidence, and it's easy with AI, you can check with Gemini or Claude and just type in what things do we know that cause or assist towards people getting cancer, heart disease, dementia, Alzheimer's, and loads of other nasty stuff. Guess what always comes up? Top few smoking, alcohol, not sleeping properly consistently, low mood, depression, unhealthy lifestyle, not training, not doing any fitness, so having a sedentary lifestyle, keeping inactive, not having a sense of purpose. And there's just eight that I've rattled off, and there's obviously other stuff as well. And the point being, if I can eliminate and have habits each day, each week and month moving forward, from now, not from tomorrow or next week, but from now, and I keep focusing on that, then hopefully, again, if God permitting, and again, you can't you can't always avoid things, something could be around the corner. Anything could happen to us, we don't know what's gonna happen, but it's what's out inside of my control versus what's outside of your control, isn't it? What can I do inside of my con inside my control to live a longer, more fulfilling and happier and healthier lifestyle and feel good? And those are the things. Hopefully that makes sense. Um next one, changing the subject slightly, but it still adds to your life is have some savings in terms of money, but you don't need tons. Everybody thinks they need to save loads of money in the bank. Your bank's just ripping you off, they use your money, and again, it's not a financial podcast at like one percent or whatever, they give you 0.1%, but then they're lending your money to other people and charging them 10% or 12%, and it's crazy. Have two to three months' money, I would say, as expenses. So if you spend whatever you spend a month, what rent bills, food, things that you need to live, dogs, maybe throw them in there. It might be £2,000, it might be £3,000, it might have more. Say it's three thousand, then have nine or ten grand put away in emergency money. So then if anything happens, you're covered, aren't you? Ten grand covers most things, doesn't it? Even covers probably, dare I say, a funeral, mostly, maybe I don't know, but it covers most things. And then you can start on aside from that, saving up for as a one-off for a holiday, Christmas, and then the rest of you the rest, invest. If you've got your own business like we have, invest in your own business. It's the biggest and best investment ever is in yourself, obviously, uh, and invest and think long term because there's you know, like we put money away, for example, into um a stocks and shares ISA for sorry, a fund, uh a fund for my daughter, which is spread across all the best companies in the world, and that's a set fee every month. Opened it up with a little bit of money and a set we pay a set fee every month and just forget about it. And it grows on average at it's 11%. 11%. Clearly, it can go up and down over and I'm just gonna forget about it until the next 10-15 years, and compound interest will it'll make thousands, hopefully. So, just as an example, again, not a deep dive on finances. There's loads of other YouTube videos and books that go into if you want to get into the money aspects, but that's just uh a simple thing for me that's it's just being a game changer. Be a minimalist, don't have loads and loads of kit, declutter. Remember, you know, a clear, a clear house has a clear mind and all that jazz. And I mentioned before about the charity with George Michael saying the coat you wear twice a year is charity, give it away. And that doesn't mean you need to give everything away. You might have something that you love that you don't wear that often, but you love it, and it means something to you. So I don't mean get rid of everything, but I I try and get rid of loads of stuff, and I several times a year I go through books, clothes, shoes, and I donate, I give what I think is going to be valuable to somebody else else, to charity, to you know, charity shop. Maybe I give some stuff to friends. I spent a period of time when I left the army uh gifting things to uh people that I had, you know, items that I had, uh, to other people that I knew would look after them and cherish them more. Um, an example of that is an old friend of mine I used to go to school with. I was grateful for him. Uh, we had a great friendship at school and and an upbringing together. Is he seeing that he collects old toys? And I had an action man, and all uh the Eagle Eyes Action Man, I don't know if you've ever had one, uh, we fully clothed with with in a box, you know, in the box, probably worth about £100 at the times, maybe £150 quid for this Action Man doll. You know, in the original one in a box, 1970s, and it's just sat there gathering dust. I thought, you know what? That would mean so much more to him. So I sent it, got his address, you know, in the QT and sent that to him, recorded delivery with a letter, just expressing you know our friendship, gratitude, etc. And that sat on his shelf now in a proud moment, and he cherished that for the rest of his life and probably pass it on to his kids. It'll mean more to him and them than than me. And it means more to me that I've done that because he's created that that memory as you will. And he's the same, and that's just as an idea. And again, it's not I'm not bragging, I'm just telling giving you ideas that you can just give people stuff and it it could create impact. And a lot of muscle and fitness magazines that I had that were quite old that were all Arnold Schwarzenegger oriented, I bundled them all together and sent them to a friend that was exile on me that is absolutely crazy about Arnold Schwarzenegger. So add to his collection, so it's just things like that, it's just it declutters your house as well. And that doesn't mean you can't have a hobby or whatever. Uh declutter your life, isn't it? Having loads of things piled up, like your apps on your phone screen as another idea, is if you don't use an app and you haven't used it in months, get rid of it, delete it. So clear up your phone, clear up just stuff in general. And your kids will pick up on that as well. And it just all could it all pulls back down to gratitude effect. Be grateful for the things you have, uh, rather than the things that wanting the things you haven't got. There, and almost there. Last one is was mentioned, so a minimalist is be present every day in every moment and enjoy your life. Every moment I said before about keeping social media down to a minimum. Social media is horrific, isn't it? We've mentioned about that it's addictive and everything else. And the more you use your phone, I've got a friend of mine, and he uses his phone. Like I think to myself, you're either at work or on your phone, and then you've got kids, and they're picking up on that. That's the thing, they're picking up on their dad. And again, it's not a judgment, it's just an observation as an example. But if if one is on the phone all the time, consistently, then what about the time spending time with loved ones with children? How many people have you seen that are not present? They're they're in a restaurant, and again, it's not judging, it's observations where you go to a restaurant and you see three friends might be youngsters, and they're out together at a table, and they're all sat, they've got food and drink, and they're all on the phones, all on the phones, scrolling and like sucked in. And then next level is they're eating the food mindlessly, like shoveling the food into the mouth with the phone in the left hand, eating with the right hand, scrolling on whatever app they're on, whatever social media, Instagram, and there's four of them sat at a table. And I've watched it and I'm like, what? And we've got up and left. They've sat down, I've seen groups of people sit down in a restaurant, talk quickly, obviously, get the phones out, order the only time they look up is to order the food and drink, then then back on the phones, eat whatever they're eating, drink the drink, put the phone in the pocket, pay and walk out. So they've started the whole time in a restaurant together as friends, supposedly, and not even spoke to each other.

unknown 1:27:33

Mad.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:34

Absolutely wild. And it's the same, isn't it, at home with the kids. Kids are like, Oh, daddy, daddy, can you play Lego with me? Can you play with me? Can you do this? Can we play a game? Or do some drawing? And you're like, no, no, no, I'm busy. I'm you know, I'm doing busy doing what? Busy on your phone, scrolling Facebook, seeing what other people are up to, seeing what people are up to that you don't speak to regularly on the phone, and that you never you haven't seen in 10 years, and that you might not ever see again. Versus spending quality time with those around you in your life absolutely bonkers. Anyway, enough said, and so be present every day in every moment and enjoy life. It's there to be enjoyed. And the last one is focus on creating memories. These are what matter and last. When you're dead and gone, you talk about legacy, they're the things that are going to matter. What are the things that I remember about my granddad? I I absolutely cherished and loved and was heartbroken when he died. My granddad, as an example. I'm a nan, she's dead, she died as well. But speaking, you know, about my granddad, he's an ex-you know war veteran himself, uh veteran from the military, world post-World War II. And he died when I was I was only 14, and it was just a shock around Christmas Boxing Day, not that not good, not here anymore. And now I'm 49, I was 14. I'm I'm the same age, or I'm about a year or two older than him when I was born, in the photos of my christening that I've got, which is mind-blowing. And because I used to think of him as an old man when I was a kid, we do, don't we? But he was only 61, 62 when he died. So it's like, but what do I remember now that I'm 49 of my granddad that I only knew up till the age of 14? It's little things like Christmas, going on holiday, riding, going on his motorbike with him on the back, on his Honda Goldwing and his triumph, him pottering around it with him, me pottering around with him in his garage when he was fixing uh his bikes and tinkering. And it's just these little things that all add up in these memories and some of photographs, and it's it's the memories that are there, nothing else. What are the memories that you're creating for your children? Is it dad's always at work, and then when he's not at work, he's always on his phone, or he's always arguing with mom, or we're not really doing much because we've got his IBS. Dad's always laid down on the couch, bloated with his IBS. Dad can't do this, can't do that, won't do this, won't do that. Please, if that's you and it has been you, just draw a line in the sand and just think your kids are picking up on that. Kids can pick up on it of how you are, how you're leading yourself and your IBS moving forwards. Getting that IBS dialed in will allow you to then create more memories, to get out more, to do more with your kids, with your wife, go on holiday, date nights, spend time with friends and family, and get out there and give you that clarity of mind and that strength and resilience as a man. I'll leave it there. Started off with IBS, finish with that as well. It's so important. I hope these have helped. I'm guessing that a lot of these you'll be doing anyway when you listen to me, like, yep, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. If there's one or two, which I'm I'm pretty sure there will be, that you've not even thought about or you've not tried, just try them out. What's the worst can happen? I share that in my book, IBS Inversion, in terms of the inversion thinking. What but what is the worst outcome of trying something that could benefit you in life? The worst outcome is it doesn't work, or you wasted a little bit of time trying it and it didn't work. But what's the best outcome? At least you found something that didn't work. The best outcome is that it did work and it adds a little bit of value, it increases you, it levels you up 1%. 1% a day increase and leveling up in a year is 365% improvement. Imagine that in a year's time you'd be unrecognizable to yourself and others in a good way. Leave it there. Happy birthday to me. That's my gift to you. Peace out. Thanks for spending your time with me today. Don't take that lightly and our precious time is. If you found this helpful, follow the podcast so you don't miss future episodes. Until next time, take care, be blessed by the best, and keep moving forward.