Speaker 1: 0:00

You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails. This podcast, beyond Bath Blues, is our way to document the lessons we've learned on growing our business Men's IBS Mastery towards helping one million men. Our hope is you use the lessons and wisdom for your own journey and maybe someday soon, partner with us to achieve IBS mastery and dominate in your personal and professional life. We hope you share and enjoy IBS. Can feel like you're stuck in a storm, but you can adjust yourself, and that's exactly what we're talking about today Not sailing, but taking back control, even if it feels like IBS is running the show. Hey, welcome back to Beyond Bathroom Blues, where we talk all things IBS without the fluff, shame or useless advice that you can get out there. So today we're getting into something powerful the mindset shift that could be the difference between letting IBS control your life or finally taking charge. And no, it's not a magic pill, it's not another restrictive diet and it's definitely not about quick fixes. This is about focusing on what you can control so that you can give yourself the best shot at managing IBS. So let's dive in.

Speaker 1: 1:13

If you're like most men that I've worked with, ibs can feel like an uncontrollable, unpredictable monster. It can be overwhelming, frustrating and, honestly, pretty miserable. It can be overwhelming, frustrating and, honestly, pretty miserable. And one day you're fine and then the next boom, you're chained to the toilet. And it's not just the physical symptoms either. It's the anxiety about the flare-ups, the frustration of feeling like nothing works, the guilt that comes with feeling like IBS is ruining your life. And guilt is one of the most unhelpful emotions when it comes to managing IBS, I guess you could say because and especially for men, because it's easy to feel guilty for missing plans, missing out on doing things with your family, missing out on your kids events you know, like school sports stays and you know other things and just missing out on all that life has to offer. If you're, you know, chained to the toilet and you're suffering with a flare-up, and maybe you're housebound sometimes, maybe you're not, but maybe you're not able to fully experience that moment, that thing, because you are distracted by your symptoms and the pain and everything that you're going through while you're in the middle of a flare-up and not being able to control flare-ups, can be frustrating, annoying, it can make you angry, it can make you miserable or feeling annoyed, you know, thinking that you should be able to handle it better. But all these unhelpful feelings and thoughts are exactly that. They aren't helping you move forwards.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Feeling guilty about things you know, missing out on stuff and having to change plans that can make you feel guilty. And maybe you are trying to keep your IBS to yourself, so you're hiding things because you're trying to put a brave face on it. And then you're trying to have to keep rustling up loads of excuses to excuse yourself out of meetings, out of things with your family or things with your friends. You know they're inviting you out, but you keep coming up with excuses to get out of it because you're concerned about having a flare up, or maybe you're in the middle of a flare up so you can't go with them and join in, and that just can make symptoms worse. That guilt and those unhelpful emotions can just add to the stress, add to the burden and instead focus on what you can control, like your diet, sleep, managing stress and letting go of self-blame. And focusing on things outside your control is not helping you and IBS isn't your fault.

Speaker 1: 3:36

But there are things you can do. And feeling guilty, kicking your own ass about this, and that won't fix it, but shifting your mindset is a game changer that puts you back in control, and it's easy to fall into the mindset. You know why bother my gut doesn't want. It wants anyway. But here's the thing you do have more control than you think, and when you stop focusing on things that's outside of your control, like overthinking how people might react, you cancelling plans or having to go to the toilet again, or you know you're ducking out of a meeting or whatever, or you're not able to attend this and that, running through endless what-if scenarios in your mind, stressing over minus things that don't actually really matter in the grand scheme of things, or dwelling on past decisions, because all of this can lead to unnecessary stress that can make your IBS worse, whether they're related to work or relationship, or even what might have caused your IBS, you know you're consumed with. You know what did I eat, what did I do, why is my IBS worse, or what caused it in the first place, or you know what triggered this latest flare up.

Speaker 1: 4:38

Yes, we do need to consider these things, but we need to do it in a productive, helpful, systematic way. Of these things, but we need to do it in a productive, helpful, systematic way. So, instead, letting go of all of that because you can free up your mental energy to focus on things that you can influence. You can't change the decisions that you made in the past and you might be where you are, or they say you're where you are now because of the decisions that you made in the past, but you can change how you move forwards. And when you do that, when you shift your focus to actions that actually make a difference, making small, consistent changes in the areas you can control, you can notice a huge improvement in how you feel, both physically and mentally, and that's the mindset shift I'd like every guy with IBS would make sooner, because it can be really helpful. So, in a nutshell, instead of obsessing over things you can't change, focus your energy on the things that you can control.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Ibs doesn't mean you're powerless, although it can feel like it sometimes. There are so many areas where you can make positive changes that do actually help, like what you eat, how you manage stress if you manage stress, whether you prioritize sleep and exercise, who you go to for help if you go to anyone at all, and instead you try and figure it out yourself and whether it's a healthcare professional, a quack doctor, an influencer or whoever it is, or whether you try figuring it out by yourself. You know all on your own. You're in control of who guides your journey, and the power does lie in your hands, and with each change that you make, you're taking control of your health and working towards improvement or not, depending on the choices that you make. By controlling these areas your diet, lifestyle, stress, getting professional help you're stacking the odds in your favor. Will you be perfect every day? No, no one is.

Speaker 1: 6:20

But again, trying to get perfection can add to extra stress and pressure, which can then make your IBS symptoms worse because you're putting extra pressure on yourself to be a certain way. I should be this. It shouldn't be this way. Why me? They're not helpful thoughts and it can keep you stuck and not help you think of ways of moving forwards, because they can put a limit on you. I shouldn't be like this oh, this is, this is terrible. I can't put up with this anymore. Versus I don't like this flare up that I'm going through at the moment, but what can I do about it? That's a more helpful thing, a more helpful way of thinking about things. So when you focus on the controllables, those bad days can get fewer, the symptoms can get less intense and you can start feeling like yourself again. And I've seen this mindset shift, transform how guys deal with IBS, and I'm going to just mention about Mike I'm going to call him Mike.

Speaker 1: 7:15

So he spent years feeling like IBS was running the show. He was constantly googling his symptoms, cutting out random foods, following weird diets, all the usual stuff, taking loads of supplements and getting really annoyed at himself and his IBS every time he had a flare up. And in between the flare ups, yeah, he was fine. And it was only when he had a flare up that he would then think, oh, I need to do something about this, I hate this, why me? Oh, I can't, you know, I'm going to miss out on whatever it is, you know, a match or whatever. And he would then get annoyed at himself and his IBS. And he hated IBS understandably, because it was stopping him, or he felt it was stopping him doing what he wanted to do and stopping him from living the life that he wanted and, you know, the life that he deserved for himself and his family. But when we started working together, I told him to stop focusing on the things that you can't control and start focusing on things that you can change. So he worked on three big areas. So tackling and identifying his triggers and patterns. Making small, consistent changes to his diet and his lifestyle. Managing his stress with practical tools. And within a few months he wasn't just managing his IBS practical tools and within a few months he wasn't just managing his IBS. He felt like he was in control for the first time in years. And it all started with shifting his mindset. So how do you make this mindset shift? So you can make it with these three steps to get you started.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So one get curious about your symptoms. It's natural to get angry, annoyed, upset or whatever when you have an IBS attack, but this doesn't mean to say that you've failed. It just means that you haven't yet found what actually works for you, because what works for one person isn't going to work for you. So instead of getting frustrated every time you have a flare up or the fact that you've got IBS, use it as an opportunity to learn. So, tracking your symptoms without judgment, look at them from as if it was someone else that you were looking at their symptoms and tracking them. So if it was a friend, you wouldn't judge them or you know that you've got these symptoms, just record it. It is what it is for now. You don't have to judge them, because when you start judging, you can then have all these unhelpful, negative thoughts and feelings coming in, which then can then make you stressed out, annoyed, frustrated, and then put you in a spiral, and that isn't helpful at all. So, tracking your symptoms without judgment, because this gives you the data you need to make better decisions.

Speaker 1: 9:36

So, instead of dwelling on the flare up, ask yourself what can I learn from this? What triggered it? What was different about today? What was different about this week? Was it stress? Was it food? What about drinks? Did I get enough sleep? Was it quality sleep? And then use that data to do better next time. And then, obviously, if you need help with working out what your triggers are, or you know what's going on while you keep having random flare-ups, what's happening and obviously you need to invest in getting professional help with this.

Speaker 1: 10:07

And number two, focus on small wins. Ibs isn't something that can be solved in a day although how good would it be if we could but every small change, you're stacking the odds in your favor because these can add up. So, whether it's getting seven to nine hours of good quality sleep, eating foods that not only manage your symptoms but also nourish your body, or spending, say, 10 minutes of breath, work or meditation or whatever. Each of these are a step in the right direction. And I mentioned about nourishing your body as well, because it's not just about managing IBS, although obviously that's important, especially when you're in a flare up and you keep having flare ups. That's hideous for you. But also it's about prioritizing your overall health, because if you haven't got your health, what have you got? Because if you've got loads of health conditions, all areas of your life can be affected by that and everything can be more of a struggle. Areas of your life can be affected by that and everything can be more of a struggle.

Speaker 1: 11:01

And focusing, yeah, solely on symptom relief at the expense of your overall health isn't a sustainable solution, because you can get ill. It's like if someone wants to lose weight, yeah, they can starve themselves. Yeah, they'll lose weight fantastic, they've achieved the goal. The goal was to lose weight. Well, starving yourself isn't a healthy way to do it, so that's not sustainable or a healthy way to do it. So it's focusing on your overall health as well as managing your symptoms, so it's about taking care of both your body and your mind.

Speaker 1: 11:29

And a lot of guys and people in general, they can neglect their mind. That you know focus on the body, they want to look good weight training, doing cardio, eating clean, say and then I've had loads of guys saying they're eating clean but then they've got loads of symptoms as well. But they're neglecting their mind as well, their mindset, and it can be their mind that's holding them back. So we need to look after our body and our mind and remember about small wins. They add up, they compound over time, because one and done just ain't gonna cut it. So it's about consistency and if you follow a tailored plan for one day and then you get frustrated when a flare-up happens the next, it's easy to blame the diet or think, oh, you know, that's that diet, shit, it doesn't work and blame the person who gave you it or you know whatever, and then try to do all you can while you're in the middle of a flare-up to get rid of the flare-up.

Speaker 1: 12:22

But managing IBS is about stacking those small wins daily and doing things to minimize the risk of a flare-up before they happen. It's like closing the gate before the horse bolts, because when you're in the middle of a flare-up, it's already too late, if that makes sense. So we want to do little things daily that are going to help reduce the risk of having a flare-up. But also when you're focusing on your diet and your mental state, you're benefiting all areas of your life, your health, your physical and your mental health, so it's like a win-win. So celebrate your progress, not perfection, because I said trying to be perfect and never have any gut symptoms or that's just going to scupper you and you've got unrealistic expectations, because even people without ibs, they can have gut symptoms. Everyone farts, everyone has tummy pain, everyone feels bloated from you know now and again, so that's normal. So it's no one having a realistic expectation. And celebrating your progress, because celebrating your progress can add to your motivation and keep you going.

Speaker 1: 13:23

Number three take ownership. So here's the hard truth. No one is going to fix your IBS for you. Doctors, dieticians, charlatans, whoever you want to go to. They can guide you, but it's up to you to put the work in. Ideally, you would go to someone who's appropriately qualified. Yeah, you can see who you want. It's your choice. But whoever you go to, you are going to have to put the work in.

Speaker 1: 13:46

So, instead of thinking you know why is this happening to me, you could switch that to a more helpful way and start thinking what can I do to manage this today and moving forwards? Who do I need to help me to manage this moving forwards? Am I the best person to help me sort this out, or would I benefit from investing in myself by investing with an expert who knows what they're doing? So it's shifting your mindset and shifting and flicking around unhelpful thoughts to a more empowering, motivating way to help you get the outcome that you want and look after your body and your mind and getting the outcome that you want to achieve. So why this works?

Speaker 1: 14:26

When you focus on what you can control, three big things can happen. You stop feeling overwhelmed, which can then help with managing your symptoms, because feeling stressed and overwhelmed, that can be a burden in itself and the gut brain access that can make your symptoms worse or trigger your symptoms. Number two, you can start building momentum with these small wins so that motivates you and encourage you to carry on. And then three over time these wins add up to real progress and seeing the progress as well. That helps to motivate you as well and carry on. But obviously it's got to be the right thing.

Speaker 1: 15:01

But you know, if you're tracking what you're doing anyway, then you should be able to pick up things that aren't working before you carry on a long route, like if you've been doing the same thing for months and months, and months and it's not working, or even doing it for years and it's not working. Well, maybe you need to make some changes, or maybe, well, you need to do something different, because if it's been so long and nothing's changed or it's getting worse, then maybe draw a line in the sand. Enough is enough. What do I need to do? Because what I'm currently doing isn't working? It's not helping me. What can I do instead?

Speaker 1: 15:38

So, to wrap up, then, here's the mindset shift control what you can and let go of the rest. Focus on the habits, the routines and the choices that can make a difference and stop wasting energy and mental space on things that you can't control. And, by the way, if you know other men dealing with ibs, share this episode with them, so they can also benefit from that, because it could make a real difference to them. And if you're looking for more practical, no-nonsense tips to take control of your gut, then tune in every week. So thanks for listening and remember, ibs doesn't define you, but how you deal with it does. It's not what happens to you, but it's how you react to it that matters, and that's why, epictetus, thanks for listening. Catch you next time.